This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
