If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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