My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
