I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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