dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
