he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
