Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
