bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
