She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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