the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
