isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sorry my hands just texted you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
