No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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