I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
