I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
