Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
