Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
