sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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