just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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