just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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