dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have fence marks all over my body
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
