the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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