She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
