My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
