I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
