you win again, gameday.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
