Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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