I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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