My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
