Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
