I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
