My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
