I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
