Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
