I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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