we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
