And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
