I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
time to smoke my breakfast
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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