sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
