What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
