I'm gonna have a badass scar
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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