I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
