i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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