If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
