Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
