Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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