If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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