fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
