I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He did a backflip because drugs
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
