The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
