First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
