Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
