I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
