I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it glows. i had to have it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
