He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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