I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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