i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
