The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
