Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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