you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
